Disappointment. Madness. Pain. Hate.

Life is a continuous cycle of emotion. You may think you can control it, but you cannot. People, weather, animals, well-being, wealth, kids, parents, and so on and so on. You cannot control it. But life comes with failure and disappointment. Disappointment is something that you wish would work perfectly but you were let down in some way. I see this with family. I see this with people that I should be close to. I’m disappointed in their actions, their thoughts and lack of self-awareness that bring someone close to me down. Why? I have my own personal problems and things I let myself down by doing, but I care about how others affect those closest to me. Why? I have a deep understanding within my feelings that make me think about others over myself. Most don’t. What I have seen is that you have the ability to not only affect yourself, but those closest to you. You have the choice to make a positive impact when things are bad.

Don’t Settle, your spirit lives on

If today were the last day of your life, would you change something? Would you make a personal choice to make a difference? Would you look back and think about what you could have done? Having a child, I see that everything today or yesterday is something more than my own life. I have lessons, learnings, laughs, love, life, that I want to share and hope goes beyond my years. So, don’t settle on the “satisfactory”. Don’t settle on what could have been. Life is a clock that will end at some time. It’s inevitable. What you do within those minutes, seconds, or hours is what will impact many around you. They rely on you. They look to you for information. They look to you for how you overcame issues so they can in the future. They look to your smile. They look to your spirit.

A spirit is something that never dies. Life is something that has a beginning and end. Spirit, however, is built on happiness, joy, love, hate, and continues to grow throughout the generations to come. Your spirit is your identity, not your physical self. I think back on those that changed my life.

• My grandma, Margaret Farmer, who touched thousands of lives through 50 years of sewing and making time for others when she didn’t have to. It wasn’t monetary. She made me and all her grandchildren something personal every Christmas; and I see her spirit in everything I have today. She’s gone, but will never be forgotten. She taught me how to sew (yes that’s funny and also gets me into more tasks than I want). She taught me unconditional love when religion was a huge part of her life. She gave me life through my mother who is an exceptional person I will always strive to please and make happy. She shaped our family. I miss her every day.
• My grandpa, Robert Ludwig, made time to make things better. He wasn’t necessarily there when we were little, but at some point he came around and wanted to dive into myself and my sister’s life. That took some time, but he made it a priority in his life. He took me on motorcycle trips. He let me wreck his motorcycle when I wasn’t big enough to ride it. He lived beyond his means to make us a part of an experience that I will never give back. He drove a school bus for handicapped children because he wanted to and had to make a living. He made life work. He had a heart of gold, but that took time to fully evolve. I never slight him for that. He made a choice to make us a priority and I will forever thank him for that. I think my dad would also reiterate that thanks for being there when it was needed, even when he wasn’t in the best state. I miss him every day.
• My father in law, Greg Eveloff, was a man of his word. He prioritized who he wanted the world to remember him by. Caring, loving, loyal, consistent, a great father, a great husband. He gave me life through his daughter and family. He gave me hope and determination to do something beyond myself. His spirit was infectious. It was enlightening. It was inspirational. His spirit of love, care, family, and life fills my veins as I look at my boy, my wife. His spirit lives on and will never fade away. I was able to say goodbye, unfortunately. I miss him every day.

So when you think of spirit, it’s about what you can leave to those that care about you and those that never know you. Your spirit is something that no one can take away. They are yours to share, yours to steal, and yours to pass on. Your spirit contributes to the human “factor”. It’s your stamp even when cut short.